heartbreak sucks but I promise it's not forever

This time last year, I would not have even imagined to be sat here writing this. yes as cliché as that sounds, it has officially been a year since my ex boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me. 

And boy what a year it has been (I don't think people other than mickey mouse say boy anymore.) 

I want to start with a little bit of background, because I want to make a separate post at the end of the year about how much 2025 has changed me and a bit if reflection as the year is not over yet. 

Growing up I always thought that I would never have an ex, so I have always had the unrealistic idea that I was going to meet someone and they were going to be the man I was going to marry and that was it. So you can imagine to my surprise that when the guy I thought I was going to walk down the aisle to turned round and said he couldn't do it anymore. 

I turned to google. Why doesn't he love me anymore? I watched more rom com's thinking he'd come back and run to me in the rain and confess I never left his mind. Then I did what any writer would do and channelled what I was feeling through words. Although there is no firm answer on how to get over a breakup, there is ways that make it easier to cope with. 

Downloading every dating app known to man, however, is not it. Swiping endlessly, everyday, hoping and subtly praying I would find what I was chasing for. The feeling of comfort and stability, sadly that is not what is going to be found on what I call the big three. Tinder, Hinge and bumble. 

Putting myself through the hell of it, did teach me a lesson though. How to finally put myself first and not settle for something not worth settling for. As much as that may sound a little harsh, it is what some people need to hear. 

I spent the best years of my teenage life that I was meant to utilise to grow and develop. Hung up on a man that was a million miles away and had not a single care about me, unless it benefited him. Part of my growth journey was to realise that I settled and that I lowered my expectations so that when he did something that would have upset me, it only just made me numb to the point I stayed to try and feel again. 

As people we put ourselves through more than we need too. We have all had to be villains in other peoples stories, in order for them to grow into their own heroes. So by that logic we should utilise the villains in our own stories to fuel our goals. 

There is no real moral to this ramble, it was more to connect to those who have gone or are going through the similar struggle of heartbreak, which shouldn't be brushed off. It is intense and if you have been together for a longer amount of time it can feel like you are almost grieving a loss. 

it is a very weird experience though. I remember I came home, no one was in. I sat and watched the worst Netflix original movie ever and cried and cried. I woke up the next morning and I was fine, I did not think about him ever again since that day. I didn't care how he was doing, didn't want to contact him. I never cried about him again. 

So I guess there is a moral. Heartbreak is weird but wonderful because it shapes us to who we are today and the feeling does pass, it may be painful at this moment of time. But it just needs to get out of your system. You got this and you will look back at it and it won't feel as heavy and strong as it once was.