Sesame Syrup Pt 2

Following him all the way up to his bedroom felt like eternity. Memories flashed in and out, of the laughter, cries and hatred. It would be a lie if I said I missed this bed, the one I would lay on pretending to be asleep whilst sneaking glances of him working away. Sadly, that version of us does not exist anymore, especially not after what I'm about to uncover. I say goodbye to us in my head as he turns around to close the door once I've entered. Emphasising how he has me wrapped round his finger again, he looks so proud of himself, his ego making him oblivious to what is about to happen. 

His phone starts to vibrate violently in his pocket, instantly he grabs it swiping on the call. "I'll be back in a second, make yourself comfortable." He gestures at the unmade bed. Politely, I nod even though I decline the offer in my head as if he really thinks I want that right now, the fire ignited itself instantly feeding the rage that bought me here but I had to be so careful not to give it away. It was a danger that he knows me too well as he will try to use it against me. 

Slowly I sink into the mattress, letting it consume me again the feeling of the soft sheets against my arms embracing me like he once did, his scent is encased in my brain making me want to stay here forever like we both promised one another. Yet life is not as planned, we can't be with on another anymore. 

Now is my chance. Think Aubrey think. If I was someone hiding a big secret where would I hide it. Now I'm not known for being the luckiest person in the world but it was as if the object itself started glowing. A small leather notebook hidden amongst the others. Calling out to me, notifying me of it's presence, I'm transfixed by the golden glow surrounding it.  

Creaking startles me into action, lunging across the room I grab it as if it is the last thing to save before a fire. Footsteps get closer towards the door, I shove the book deep in my bag and run to the bed and hide myself under the covers, trying to act as normal as I could. Controlling my breathing to bring it to a slower pace. I have it, calm yourself down. Silently promise myself I will be fine. 

Terror however still continues to fill my body as the door cracks open and Christopher makes his way across the room to me. Something in his demeanour has changed, there's a warmth. A soft halo. Deep down I know it isn't real, he only wants one thing. I'd be a fool if I let him have me again. Shifting uncomfortably, his eyes stay locked on mine as he sits on the bed next to me, closing the gap between us further. "I missed you." he mentions as he strokes his hands up my thigh. Making me feel so dirty I want to scrub until I am clean of it. My heart breaks and my tears threaten to fall. Shaking my head I remind myself, I can't show weakness. I can't give in. This isn't real. I repeat those sentences to myself as he tucks a loose part of my hair behind my ear. Reluctantly I reply "I missed you too" Our eyes search for answers we will never get. I wonder if he feels it too. That this will be the last time. 

We sit like this for a while as the sounds of the breeze hitting the trees in the distance reminds me of the passing of time, coming through the open window hitting the chocolate brown curtains making them reach out towards me like a saviour. A stuffed panda I bought him is facing me, pleading for me to run. "I won't end up like them." I accidently whisper out loud to it.                                      

"huh" he huffs, grabbing my face closer to his. Heat emits from is face as I give everything I have to turn away.

The stuffed animals on the shelf, including mine, come into focus as they are lined up together almost like trophies, as I notice they are from all the other women that trusted him with their hearts. 

I will not be one of them. 

His hand pushes down on my chest making me fall back on the bed. He towers over me. Although i'm frightened of where this is going to go as from this angle I can clearly see how much stronger he is. Almost like he has been training harder and harder for this moment. The moment I let this intimidate me I will have lost. Instead I roll over off the bed and stand up so that I am now facing him across the room. Confused he looks up at me shaking his loose hair out his eyes. Fear is painted all over my face, I want to claw at it and show the determination. I back up further until I collide with a desk chair. I catch my footing before I fall and steady myself conveniently nearer to the door. 

Trying to conserve my energy by not quickening my breath, my legs start to tremble, I have already escape. His brown hair comes loose from behind his ears again and covers his darkened eyes as his face falls into disappointment. He knows. I was too clumsy, his head moves to the left and he notices it straight away. The stack of books and papers don't contain his prized possession anymore. I freeze in shock. His face turns back to me and his eyes follow to the bag that is now on my shoulder, they turn completely black. The warm soul is now completely permafrost. Our eyes lock once again and my organs sink further down my body. I want to throw up and scream, to have the floor give way to one of us. 

No no no...